Musings // Talking Anxiety…

I’ve been wanting to write a post on the topic of mental health for a while now but have never known where to start or how to go about it. I’ve experienced the effects of mental health in a number of different ways from close family members, those at work and even myself. Its a hard topic to talk about but I hope that sharing some of my experience will help others either know they’re not alone or understand it all a little better. I’ll be honest… I’ve put off writing this out of fear of what people will think/ say/ judge but I keep coming back to thinking that there should be no fear whatsoever in talking about it all. So I’ll take a little step and start here…
I’ve always been a worrier. From worrying about what people think about me to stressing out constantly over my exams. There’s one memory I have from doing my GCSE’s or A Levels (I can’t remember that bit!) and having a full on panic attack in the kitchen over an exam being in a couple days and I was certain I was going to fail (must have been Latin which I had a proper love/ hate relationship with). Anyone who’s had a panic attack will know that they are so hard to pull yourself out of and when someone says to calm down it just makes it all the worse. I remember it pouring down with rain and my mum telling me she needed to show me something outside in the garden. I eventually went out and she locked the door on me. She said she wouldn’t let me back in until I screamed and stopped crying. I was livid to begin with – how on earth could she lock me in the garden in my pjs in the rain and not let me back until I screamed. How ridiculous was this and what on earth would the neighbours think! She was adamant though so I did a little pretend scream which wasn’t good enough. This lasted for a few minutes until I properly screamed and ended up in laughter. Safe to say the panic attack was over and I could think a bit more clearly.
Mental health is tricky for those going through it but also for those close to the person. The worse thing you can do is make a person feel like they’re being judged and I know I have unintentionally done this before. You’re constantly worrying about that person but then can easily get frustrated when you see them doing all the things they’ve worked so hard to get through. 
This past year my mum went through a tricky time and it really affected me. Previously I’ve thrown myself into work as a distraction but this time I really struggled. It ended up shaking my foundations and made me question a lot and my anxiety became so much worse. My home life, my work and my health all suffered. I wasn’t myself for a good 7 months and wasn’t the easiest person to be around. And anything would set me off crying. That said my husband and my friends have been my rocks through this all and helped me through a lot.
I’m finally feeling myself again and my friends and my husband say I’m back to my old chipper self who is glass half full. 
What’s different to before? Honestly I can’t really put my finger on it. That said I’ve finally stopped judging myself so much, doing a bit more exercise and not letting things get on top of myself. I also used to be very good at bottling things up but you can only do this for so long. 
I’ll always be a worrier and a people pleaser – there’s no doubt about that. But, it doesn’t leave me stressing and my IBS flaring up too much anymore. Recently at work things have been super busy but I haven’t stressed. I do have to say the hubby is defo happy with this one… he gets a happy wife which means happy him!
What I’ve learnt is that whatever you feel is OK! Don’t judge or criticise yourself for feeling a certain way – its OK! Mental health effects us all and its OK to admit this.
Do you think I’m silly for sharing this? I don’t know if its worth sharing but its part of me and who I am. Everything we go through shapes the people we are and all of the above has made me who I am today.
What do you think? Either way thanks for listening to my ramblings!
Until next time,
Cathers x
Just a little reminder 😘