Motherhood Musings: Comparison as a New Mama

Life has been very busy recently with all our free time taken up with house work when we’re not with Rory. I will have to do a blog post on converting our garage into a dining room. It has given us so much extra space and finally our downstairs doesn’t feel so cluttered. It has nearly doubled our downstairs space and I am loving it. Rory loved running between the rooms to begin with practicing his running and trying not to fall over. The little monkey <3

I picked the above pic as I’m thinking of this as a chat over drinks with friends… whether that’s a wine or a coffee (goodness knows we function on caffeine as mums!), grab a drink and have a read on.

Just over a month ago I went to see my boss and her little baby and I couldn’t get over how chilled her 4 month old was. She came across as such a natural and it was lovely to see. She seemed to be doing great and her little one was so calm and chilled. On my way home I burst into tears in the car. I had to remind myself that you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. I was in tears that I struggled those first few months and felt like I wasn’t as good a mother. My baby wouldn’t be put down, he had reflux, we had so many struggles breastfeeding, my body physically took a long time to recover with the 3rd degree stitches and going to the loo hurt for months. I even had to go back to the doctors when Rory was 6 months to have it checked out. My little monkey had to be constantly entertained and when it was nap time that was a struggle in itself. He was a cat napper and did 3 half hr naps a day. Not enough time to get the chores done and by the time you’d had a cup of tea and started cleaning something he was awake again. For months, he’d only nap in his buggy. So rain or shine I was out walking to get him to sleep. I was made to feel like going back to work when he was 9 months was the most awful thing. Well, I’m sorry, SMP finishes at 9 months and I have a mortgage to pay. We had enough savings before and didn’t want to spread ourselves too thin. As the ‘bread winner’ in the family I felt I had to go back to work and it was only 3 days a week for 3 months until I went back full time…

All the emotion came out and I was in floods of tears. When I got to nursery to pick up Rory I gave him the biggest hug and the same to Tim when I got home. I love my little boy so much and he is the best thing in my life. Everyone’s journey into motherhood is different and all babies are different. It’s so hard when you see how others are doing, make judgements and compare yourself. I text a friend later that evening and told her it all. She was such an angel and said thinking back to those days I was always so attentive when I was with Rory and on it with nap times, nappy changings etc. People also rarely show you all sides and you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors. People put on a front and my boss could have been having a good day after many not so good ones. 

So what should you do if you’re in the midst of comparing yourself…

You need to try and have no regrets. Think about what you did and what your body went through. Your little one wouldn’t be where they are today without you and all the love you gave them.

We all have wobbles time to time especially if you’re functioning on little sleep as a new parent. Just when you think you may be having a rough time, someone else may be looking at you thinking they’re smashing it! Try not to compare yourself, I know it’s hard…

Just know, your little one thinks the world of you.

Go and give them a huge hug and take a deep breath in for 4 and out for 4. Even if they try to wriggle away as little toddlers can do, know they think you’re the absolute best.

Hold onto their hand extra tight if they want your comfort… they grow up so fast and one day they’ll be independent people themselves.

Motherhood is hard at times but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I can’t believe Rory is 17 months old… its gone by so quickly… he’s the cutest little monkey and trying to figure everything out. He sometimes gets a little unsure of new situations and will grab onto my leg or want a cuddle and I’ll always give it to him. One day he won’t need my hugs so often so I’ll give them while I can.

The world is your oyster little man and I’ll always be here when you need me <3

Until next time,
Cathers xx