Motherhood Musings: Refinding myself and changing seasons

Me sitting and smiling on a bench on a boat tour in the Douro Valley

Apparently it’s still officially summer but it is definitely starting to feel like Autumn… the days are getting shorter and most certainly cooler. I woke up this morning at 6 and it wasn’t bright… I had to switch the lights on downstairs while I pottered about getting a coffee. I love Summer but I do like Autumn when you throw on cosy jumpers and snuggle around the fire.

The changing seasons have had me reflecting on the changing seasons of motherhood. That first season of motherhood is all encompassing as you spend all minutes of the day focusing on your little bundle – Are they too hot/ cold? Are they hungry? Why aren’t they sleeping? Are they sleeping too much? Why won’t they be put down? Etc. etc. It takes up all your thoughts and there isn’t much space left for anything else. And you know what? That’s ok… Especially when it’s your first child, you’re figuring out motherhood and keeping this little human being alive. Of course it’s all you’re going to think about.

I recently went on a girl’s trip away to Portugal and had the most amazing time away. I was able to be ‘me’, not Mama or Rory’s Mummy and I felt like I could properly recharge. However, when it went quiet or bedtime came around I couldn’t stop thinking about Rory. Was he missing me? Was he concerned about where I was? I just wanted to give him a huge hug. It was the longest I had ever been away from him… 4 nights and it felt like a lifetime during the nights. I struggled to sleep thinking about my little boy and even needed white noise from the aircon to try and drift off.

Yet, I had so much fun. I could have more than 1 drink and let my hair down for the first time since before I was pregnant with Rory. I didn’t need to have eyes in the back of my head and or keep a constant eye on my little adventurer. It was time to recharge my batteries in the sun and breathe in deeply and reset.

I’m in a different phase of life to my school friend’s and at times I was conscious of talking about Rory/ motherhood too much. All my time is spent focusing on Rory from the moment I wake up until I go to sleep and even then if he wakes up during the night – what is he having to eat that day? What is he going to wear? Where are we going to go today? Are his teeth bothering him? Etc. But you know what… I wouldn’t have it any other way.

There’s nothing wrong having differences to friends you once had so many similarities to. I know they’ll always be there for me even when they might not understand my current situation/ stage of life such as Rory’s eating or sleeping. They might even find it boring but I’m ok with that… If they decide to have children one day I’ll be there for them and to lend an ear if they want to talk about all things little children.

The holiday away was good fun… walks around Porto, chilling in beach bars, browsing little shops and alleyways, eating all the Pastel de Natas and tasty meals out. Talking about everything and nothing. It was great to reconnect with them. I’ll do a proper Porto recap and share all the pics I took. It reminded me of how much I love travelling and I can’t wait for our little family trip to Florida in December!

In the meantime, my focus is on Rory (as it always is!), work and how I can continue to make time for me. I’ll be making sure to make time for chats with friends over a cup of coffee or glass of wine, painting to unwind, blogging (my poor blog has become very neglected!) and some exercise. I’m going to ease myself back into exercise and try either some yoga or a bare class at lunch today. 

I feel like I’m finding myself as both a mother and my ‘old self’. It’s a strange balance and I know I’ll never be my old self again but instead I’ve grown into this new person and I love her. All of me needs nurturing – the mother and individual. Ever since I became a mother they’ve been intrinsically linked and make me who I am. 

So there’s my Monday ramblings as we start a new week. I’ll be making sure to fill up my cup so I can be the best person I can be to everyone and myself. I’ll be trying my best to just work my work hours so I have time in the evenings to keep my cup at the brim. 

How are you going to make time for yourself this week?

Until next time,
Cathers xx